Max: 7 weeks
Probably the most smiley baby I've ever encountered. He's been socially smiling since about 3-4 weeks. (I'm the biggest skeptic when it comes to milestones, so trust me when I say it's really remarkable.) He loves to be talked to, & I swear he laughs on occasion. He is also cooing already. I generally don't care for terms like "good" or "easy" when describing a baby, but ... he is really laid back.

Zach: 20 months
His vocabulary is coming along slowly but surely. He's recently added "Hi," "Bye," & "baby," to his repertoire. He really enjoys cleaning. (Lucky me!) And really must have things just so. ("Pardon me, but the plastic fireman hat belongs on the stuffed monkey's head, madam, not on yours.") Not sure where he gets it from. =P He is very enamored with his brother. Sometimes he loves a little too hard, but is generally very gentle with him. He's finally stopped eating the crayons & has discovered new fun in actually using them. (OK, MAYBE he snacks a little, but he's mostly over it.) Zach has a wonderful sense of imagination already. The heirloom, wooden kitchen we bought for him has inspired many play tea parties, soup-making & luncheons. He GETS pretending & it's wonderful to watch.
**********Two under 2. To what can I compare this? You know that dream in which you're trying to climb a flight of stairs & the steps keep turning into marshmallow therefore never letting you reach the top? My days go kinda like that. They are a little slow moving & going anywhere is a challenge; but the marshmallow is sweet & a lot of fun playing with.
What I've come to appreciate most about parenting two little ones is their capacity to teach you so much about yourself. For instance, I had no idea that throwing food on the floor would evoke so much ... er ... passion in me. Or that one's refusal to move to the middle of the tub where I can reach would inspire ... um ... disapproval. Or that I have an opinion about the number of protein grams in snack foods.
The days are challenging, to be sure. And I struggle every day diligently avoiding ways in which I might screwup my kids for good. And isn't THAT something? A concept that seems like such a no-brainer like: "Raise your kids to be healthy, productive members of society," becomes so complex when you actually BECOME a parent. "Raise your kids to be healthy, productive members of society." Sure thing. You got it. But then the doubt sneaks in, which is usually buttressed by a smattering of insecurity. Add to this a dash of inexperience, a sprinkling of childhood scars & a pinch of guilt & you have a recipe for parenthood.
Self-reflection, I've found, is everything. Recognizing your weaknesses as they influence your parenting decisions, however, is the easy part. Acknowledging them and altering your response in SPITE of them during a temper tantrum on the floor of the kitchen while you're trying to make dinner & nurse a baby at the same time? Well, that's something else altogether.
Friends have asked how it is raising two so young. First, it helps to have a dedicated teammate. One with whom you rarely have to confer on parenting decisions because you're both on the same page (Love ya, Shug). It also helps to have a family member nearby to help ease the load (Thanks, Momski!). And having a mom who will listen to you whine over the phone is also key (Thanks, Mom!). Not to mention the cadre of mom friends who will whine right along with you, preferably over a glass of the same. (Thanks, ladies!)
Indeed, it takes a village.






I've always had an affinity for toys & have formed my own collection over the years, but I have none from my own childhood to pass down. I really believe in open-ended playthings, so we have been limiting the number of plastic and battery-operated toys in our home. I want the boys to have a collection that they can preserve for their own children one day; ones that will stand the test of time. So the heirloom kitchen & its many beautiful accoutrement (enamel toy cooking pots made in Poland, for instance!) are part of this endeavor.



Zach was a knight this Halloween.


Max's first Thanksgiving.


Nana tells good jokes.


Pop-pop & his grandboyz.


My handsome boys.

16.5 Months

16.5 Months
25 lbs, 31.5 inches
So many changes, it's so hard to know where to begin. He's walking & running now, has an oddly intelligent sense of humor. Knows where all of his facial features are as well as feet, hands, shoes, shirt, etc., says "vroom, vroom" when you say, "car," and "tick-tock" when you say, "clock." He understands seemingly everything, follows simple directions, but still has a limited vocabulary. He eats with utensils & drinks out of a big-boy cup, & has begun to show interest in using the potty.


28 Weeks
Other than a mild annoyance at having to pick things up off the floor all day long because my toddler son puts them there, I feel fine. The doula that we hired is getting us ready for a med-free delivery, and Zach has no idea what's going on. Although he does point to his own belly when asked: "Where is your brother or sister?" We haven't prepared much in any other way, but there isn't much that needs to be done this time around. We have to purchase a bassinet/cosleeper & a few newborn clothing items, but we're otherwise still well-equipped with baby stuff because ... well ... we're still IN baby mode.

**********
Which leads me to my next thought: Holy crap I can't believe we're going to have another baby in less than 3 months. Steve & I have been walking around the house repeating the same mantra: "We just have to get through the first few years & we'll be OK." If we can survive two in diapers & another year of sleep deprivation & still remain friends when all is said & done, we'll be in good shape. (A little glassy-eyed, maybe, but otherwise OK.)

Fortunately, Zach has been sleeping through the night pretty solidly for 10-11 hour stretches. Even his usual 20-minute naps have become significantly longer. He is, by the way, an absolutely uncontainable toddler. He. Does. Not. Stop. Ever. Keeping him busy from day to day is a feat comparable to most high-wire acts: awe-inspiring if not a little scary.

His energy--can I have some please? It's tough to keep up some days.

But I'm so proud of him. He is so nice to people when we're on play dates. He shares his things & eagerly watches bigger kids as they climb & run, anxiously wanting to get in on the fun. He's entered a hugging phase that involves random acts of embracing other kids, & although is quick to help himself to other people's food (Egads, is this kid food-driven ... anyone surprised?), he's also happy to share his own. And what a good eater. He eats veggies (peas, broccoli, green beans, zucchini, tomatoes, asparagus, carrots) & adores fruit (anything but cantaloupe & pineapple), & given the right mood will consume most fish, although salmon is his favorite. But like most toddlers, on any given day he will decide broccoli is poison until presented to him later--in the same preparation--& it suddenly becomes innocuously yummy once again.

When he's home, Steve has taken over the bedtime routine, which is an enormous gift to me. After over a year of nursing & being the only one who could put him down for the night, I'm thrilled to have some nighttime down time before the next dance begins. The two of them read together, but Zach is still at the age where he just wants to point to pictures and ask: "Dah?" So Steve is often heard improvising the rest of the story because Zach doesn't stay on the page long enough to finish reading it. It's actually pretty funny to listen to from another room.

Steve is still plugging along swimmingly through grad school, & his telecommute schedule means more time at home with us, which is a gift neither of us take for granted.

Being a stay-at-home mom is actually not quite as painful as I thought it may be. Zach keeps me so busy that I barely have time to consider that I'm not working for monetary compensation. I am, however, writing a few articles that I hope to sell to a couple of publications before No. 2 gets here--enough work to keep the wheels greased & my portfolio fresh.

But not too much that I forget why I quit my job in the first place. After all, it's because of my freed schedule that this summer Zach has: Gone to the beach for the first time; got his picture in the newspaper at the local pool; met tons of new friends; gone to the zoo & fed some of the animals; & explored every playground this side of the Eastern panhandle.

Quitting my job to keep that much joy in his life? Priceless.

1 Year (Whew!)

1 Year
20lbs 12oz, 25 inches

He uses sign language. Sticks out his tongue to be silly. He waves "bye-bye." He likes to dance and clap his hands to music. He walks by pushing furniture around the room. He can identify: books, light, tree and fan by pointing when asked where each is in the room. He eats marvelously, his only aversion seems to be cucumbers. We've discovered he is already willful. When scolded for dropping his food over the side of the booster seat onto the floor, he will "fake" us out by quickly holding his hand out to the side & then drawing it back in. He will do this 2 or 3 times in rapid succession. I have to turn away from him b/c I can't help laughing so hard at this blatant psyche-out. And yes, he is finally sleeping (mostly) through the night. Can ah getta an "amen"?

It's been a year. Some say it went quickly, and in theory I suppose that's true. It did, in its own way, fly by. But in many ways it also seemed endless. Steve and I agree: It's not been an easy 12 months. So many sleepless nights while juggling our work schedules, our commutes, our classes, mustering our last bit of strength to be nice to each other, often trading our sanity for it all. But he rewards us with so much. Zach is, by all accounts, a character. He knows when he is being funny (it's really uncanny), and he invents his own games to play with you. When he picks you to play next, you can't help but feel special--like he's let you into his little world.

I confess that when we first discovered we were expecting again, I was concerned. I was overwhelmed with sadness that attention would already be diverted away from Zach while he was still so little & needs so much. It didn't seem fair to him. It didn't seem fair that for the first year of his life we were consumed by getting him to sleep while balancing his care with our work schedules. I was anxious for the day to come when we were over the infant hump, when we could take Zach on family outings & offer him more substantive life experiences--museums exhibits, baseball games, park visits, movies.

But dear friends and family reminded me: We are giving him a wonderful gift. The gift of a sibling. Something I never had, and something for which Steve is very thankful that he did. And while the first years will be challenging (um, I am understating here, I realize ...), it will be twice the fun visiting the museums, the baseball games, the parks, the movies. Twice the memories.

And to satisfy my wish to spend diversion-free (mostly) time with Zach, I have resigned at the magazine. My last day is June 1. It's a bittersweet decision.

But twice as worth making.


(And since it's been a while since I've posted, here are a few photos to get everyone up to speed ...)


First Thanksgiving




First Xmas


First Snow


Daddy's Little Helper


Silly Boy


Hamming it Up


The Fam

8 Months

First Halloween

He is combat crawling now (this started at 7 months), incorporates consonants in his speech ("Da-da-da-da-da, ba-ba-ba, ra-ra-ra, ma-ma-ma"), stands up when you prop him against something, goes from sitting to crawling & vice versa, and has developed an affinity for pointing. Just random pointing. He can get up on his hands & knees, but hasn't quite figured out that he can move this way, too. He is also beginning to climb, pulling himself up on various pieces of furniture and/or objects. He has one tooth on the bottom & one coming in right next to it. And yes, he still wakes frequently through the night & is a craptacular napper.

Needless to say we cannot babyproof this house fast enough. He has gone through so many changes in just a month's time, it's no wonder he doesn't sleep. (I promise not to bore you with those details, however.) For me though, the greatest wonder of them all this month is realizing the strength of the child-parent bond. Nothing compares to your baby lighting up like the sun the moment you walk into a room. And every time he does this I remind myself that one day, when he's a rebellious teen with something to prove, full of angst & all-knowingness, he may not be so thrilled to be in the same room with me.

For now though, we enjoy being the center of his world.

Six Months

First (Consumed) Solids - Bananas & Mama Milk!


Six Months
17lbs 26 in

It's called baby-led weaning. He eats whatever we eat. Provided it's not salty, spicy, dairy, crunchy or sugary. We have not graduated to meat, yet, mostly fresh fruits, vegetables & oatmeal. He's sitting up by himself pretty well, although he does teeter off to the side eventually. He rolls faster than I can keep up with him. (So says the bump on his head from rolling off the couch & onto the hardwood floor. But that is a memory I am trying to repress, thank you.) He still doesn't sleep. Wakes hourly & naps barely. What's my name? Firetruck for your peas & carrots, some days I am one foot in the happy house.

**********

I have a confession to make: I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I feel like any day now the Great Gazoo is going to appear & take blame for all the folly of the past 6 months.

I suppose I should get used to these feelings of failure (Why won't he sleep??? Is this good for him? What am I doing wrong? What's the answer?), but I really enjoyed living in a state of overconfidence. Instead, I find I have relocated to the state of oblivion & am leasing property in the state of exhaustion.

Diapering has been great fun, though. The beautiful cloth has become his wardrobe. Regular baby clothes, made for disposable diapers, don't fit over his now-fluffy butt. Instead, I have discovered the beauty & the joys of crocheted or knitted wool. Made by work-at-home-moms (WAHMs), "shorties" & "longies" come in the most brilliant colors & patterns, and with wool being a natural fabric, it's breathable & keeps cool when warm & warm when cool (who knew?!). The soaps you can get with which to wash the wool come in yummy scents (sandalwood is dreamy), and the lanolin keeps the wool WATERPROOF. I had no idea! So no diaper leaks, rashes, etc. Paired with a cute T-shirt, these sets have been dangerously fun to buy.

Um, I'm cut off, in fact, from diaper-buying for a little while, thank you Mr. Stolo. But I mean, how could I resist the ones with the embroidered pumpkin on the butt? It's his first Halloween after all! And, and, and, what about the WAHM who said she could embroider a HOBBIT for me? And of COURSE I just HAD to order the pair with the sock monkey embroidery. I mean ... C'MON!

Yeah. It's a problem. Intervention may be necessary soon. (But not before I find the perfect snowman diaper in honor of his first Xmas, OK??)

5 Months

5 Months

He is babbling now, and he's showing a slight interest in solid foods. I've given him vegetable sticks at which to gum. Celery, zucchini & carrot are winners. Cucumber? Not so much. He's extremely flirty, charming, smiles at anybody who gives him a second look. It's a little scary. ("Stop smiling at that stranger, dear.") He is ticklish under his neck & armpits, & his laugh is absolutely infectious. He's developed an ear-splitting aversion to long car rides. Apparently he did not get the memo that we live 40 miles away from everything. I've decided to cloth diaper. I'm tired of the waste, & I hate the way the disposables stick to his little "bits" in this heat. Would YOU want to wear plastic underwear? I think not.
********************
The biggest lesson I've gained this past month is learning to trust him. I don't worry so much if his naps are too short or he's nursing too much. He knows when he's tired, & he knows what he needs when he's uncomfortable. I know that he'll grow out of or move past any new picadillo or demand. I believe that he'll meet his milestones and make us proud at whatever point he is ready to meet them. I trust that he will be strong, & will embrace his independence when the time is appropriate.

So after months of battling his less-than-desirable sleep habits, his inability to stay asleep after being put down for the night and his temper tantrums during the bedtime ritual (bath, music, massage, nurse - this kid has no idea how good he's got it.) - we've decided to put him back in bed with us. Yes, he wakes me frequently throughout the night to nurse, but I don't have to get out of bed, & he falls right back to sleep when he's through. Yes, I go to bed at 8 p.m. every night, but heck, I really ought to be getting as much sleep as I can wrangle anyway.

And yes, any semblance of time I had to myself is a distant memory.

He's with me day & night, either fastened to me or sleeping next to me, at the office or at home, during errands or meetings with friends. Do I feel crowded? Sometimes. But whenever I begin to get antsy I remember this:

My sleep deprivation, backaches & dwindling sense of presentable appearances are just temporary ... just like this time when he is small enough to be cradled in the crook of my arm. Compared to the rest of his life, this time is brief.

Grand Love

Four Months

16lbs, 25 inches

He's interacting w/his world now. Reaching for things, holding onto toys, putting anything he can into his mouth. He rolls from front to back & ALMOST from back to front. He also seems to be teething a bit. His laugh is absolutely infectious, and we find ourselves doing the most ridiculous things to keep hearing it. (Yes, ridiculous even to US.) He must see what's going on around him at all times & when his view is obstructed, he lets us know pretty quickly. And we wouldn't be surprised if this little boy learns how to walk early, because he wants it BAD! He's sleeping longer stretches at night, so now we get at least 5-6 hours before he wakes up. He still has trouble at night, though. Seems he knows when bedtime is coming, because he begins to wail as soon as we start putting on his pajamas. It's the only time of day, really, that he cries. Otherwise, he is wonderfully pleasant and easy to manage, and we are still beside ourselves with joy.

********************************

Zach had lots of visitors this past month. He met his aunt & uncle from Arizona & got to spend time with his favorite cousin. Our friends Garry & Lisa came up to the mountain, too, to get to know him and fell in love immediately--er with Zach, not each other. (In fact, they both admitted to suddenly feeling their biological clocks tick after spending a little time with him in their laps.) Zach also met his other grandfather for the first time. We spent a week with my Dad who came up from Florida for a worthwhile bonding session.

It seems Zach will have a situation just a little like mine--blessed with multiple sets of grandparents. Since my mother was adopted and found her biological family, plus remarried, and my father who lost his father at a young age, and HIS mother remarried, that came to a total of three sets of grandparents for me plus two extra grandfathers (if you count my mother's biological mother's new husband). I never met my real grandfathers, though, since one passed away early & the other was estranged from my mom's biological family, and I barely had a chance to get to know my stepfather's father, as he passed away very soon after he married my mom. And now that I lay all of this out on virtual paper, I realize how ridiculously complicated it all is. (My head hurts even just to type this out.)

Zach is lucky, though. His own family tree will be a little simpler. And, I expect, so too will be his life.